Adjectival Research

This became a test of will power as they gazed at me and as I stared back. They dared me, challenged me perhaps. I maintained eye contact. It was a test of science, of determination, and of adjectival warfare. How long could I stare at these deliciously described cuisine before breaking?

Ritter smoothly made an offer, Cadbury smiled sweetly, Callebaut suggested a taste, Ghirardelli invited me with a smile, Hershey’s made promises, and Blommer captivated with class. I want to taste them. But I withstood the descriptive pressures, for the time being.
However, had I given in at that moment…. it would have been in the name of science… right?

Each of these bars of chocolate has its own company, its own history, its own style, and its own marketing. But they share a common bond of consumerism (and delicious enjoyment!). The world loves chocolate. And by definition, chocolate loves the world. Chocolate is used to celebrate and it is used to redeem. It is considered perfect for both holidays and the every-day. It is an accompaniment to a meal, or it is a meal itself. We consume it as both a liquid and a solid.
Chocolate truly reigns supreme, “King” perhaps.

But in terms of separation, what separates the “King-ed” from the Conged? What is the difference of the East and West varieties? The North from the South? The European from the American? First impressions are definitive, so what messages are these chocolate bars sending?

The Europeans

Ritter, the European delicacy promises “Quality in a Square.” As noted with the European brands (ie Cadbury and Callebaut) promises are made in subtlety. There are no bold offerings on these individual packages supporting taste sensation or promising delightful experiences. No, these Euro-delights entice fortunate consumers to open the packages and allow their senses to enjoy the delicious, powerful smells of caramel, milk, vanilla, hazelnut, and almond. Without the occasionally vital phrases of promised delight, however, Ritter Sport is forced to depend on another method of enticement, if a picture is worth 1,000 words, then the three pictures on the bright blue packaging of the Alpine Milk Chocolate should draw attention. But let’s look at the title itself. “Alpine Milk Chocolate.” This is not just any Milk Chocolate- it is Alpine, presumably from the Alps, giving a somewhat ostentatious European tone. While the European packaging did not promote adjectival use, the outer carton/box did. “Creamy, smooth flavor.” What is a creamy, smooth flavor? “Using 100% pure Alpine Milk combined with flavorful Cocoa from Ghana, you'll experience an unequalled Chocolate experience.” That’s good to know. I would hate to have an equaled experience to say the least.

But marks for Creamy and Smooth. And Alpine of course.

What’s next? Cadbury is a favorite. The role of Chocolate EClairs makes no promises, whatsoever. The gold foil brings Willy Wonka to mind, and the purple wrapper suggests royalty and class. However, the simple description of the contents is somewhat disappointing. “Caramels with Milk Chocolate Centres” the package proclaims, in hushed tones, with small font and no bold typeface. It seems that this trend of European sophisticated design is accurate, as the adjectival descriptions are implied, rather than proclaimed.

Marks for Caramel.

The final piece of our European collection is from Barry Callebaut. While the individual, small, single-serve packages suggest little more than their titles of Milk Chocolate; 35% Cocoa and Dark Chocolate; 52% Cocoa, the outer wrappings proclaim the company to be the “world’s leading manufacturer of high quality cocoa, chocolate, and confectionery products.” That’s enough of a sales pitch for me. Not only “Quality” but “High Quality” brings to mind the very best in consumption.

However this has been disappointing as a search for descriptions I can only hope that the Americans like to use their adjectives with aplomb.

Hershey’s, the all American chocolate from Pennsylvania, ever a self-promoter, simply claims to be a “King-Size” bar on the individual packaging. However, their newest brand of the Antioxidant Chocolate is far more adjectively pleasing. “Hershey’s Natural Flavanol Antioxidant Milk Chocolate” it proclaims in brilliant yellow fonts, spread across a beautiful shade of blue. “More Flavanol Antioxidants than the leading Dark Chocolate” it challenges. What type of challenge is that? Apparently a well supported one, as the back continues, “plant foods like berries, teas and even red wine contain many types of natural antioxidants. Cocoa beans, the seeds of the fruit of the cocoa tree, are one of the most concentrated known sources of flavanol antioxidants…” According to their chart of selected foods, Hershey’s Antioxidant Milk chocolate has more than the leading dark, and just less than the aforementioned blueberries.
Points for: King size, Natural, concentrated

Ghirardelli won’t let me down. The front assuredly proclaims it’s “Dark Chocolate” as having “60% Cacao” with a flash of red packaging and it’s beautiful logo. The back, however, is the true treat, “the luxuriously deep flavor and velvety smooth texture of this 60% Cacao Dark Chocolate creates an intensely rich yet balanced chocolate sensation. Experience moments of timeless pleasure with Ghirardelli’s 60% Cacao Dark Chocolate.” Delicious! Not only does it promise moments of timeless pleasure, but the chocolate is deemed to have luxurious flavors, a velvety smooth texture, and a rich yet balanced sensation. Impressive for a single bite.
Major points: timeless, luxurious, deep, velvety, smooth, intense, rich, balanced, sensation

Finally, the Blommer Chocolate bar. “A Family Tradition” displays the front, immediately describing aged recipes and cauldrons of hot chocolates as the generations of family members run the company. “Pure Milk Chocolate” and “Pure Milk Chocolate with Almonds” suggest the bars, each “Manufactured of the finest chocolate in the world since 1939.”
Marked: Pure, Family, finest


My initial theories were that that European Chocolates maintained a simple elegance with few descriptors on their packaging, while American chocolates seemed to make promises pre-purchase. Hershey’s, a chocolate that brandishes its branding power with King Size emblazoned like a flashing marquee in Times Square doesn’t advertise as much as I thought they would, in terms of beautiful adjectives. Similarly, the Ritter chocolates advertise equally to the Blommer with terms of tradition and family, not flash. The most deliciously described chocolate was the Ghirardelli, an admittedly classy American confection, while many of the others had few descriptors to mention.

As my adjectival research appeared to be complete; in the name of science, I gave in. I broke eye contact, I broke the bar apart, I broke the pieces, and I enjoyed every last bite… all in the name of scientific exploration of course.